Thunder & Roses

Third Luck

2007-06-18T14:09:05Z

Conversation starts around some fairly safe theme, but then it deviates into dangerous waters. Except she's not aware of it yet.

When she says: ''It's not you, right?'', she doesn't expect a positive answer. Everything is happening too fast after her mom says: ''It is.''

Tears well in her eyes and she starts to sob, shaking and unable to stop as mom holds her and tries to calm her so that dad doesn't hear.

Her heart is breaking with each beat as she realizes it's not just a bad dream. She really did it, her too... She wishes she never asked.

She thinks how she has a little brother or sister somewhere in heaven and tears ran faster. She can't think about anything else and it appears to her that she never will.

When dad enters the room she wipes her tears away quickly and continues to write her homework, but she can't stop thinking about poor tiny babies that disappear before they're even born.

Later, her mom is consoling her, but everything in codes.

''It doesn't hurt you anymore'', she says, and mom shakes her head. ''It always hurts, just a little.''

She will never do it, no matter what.

Missing

2007-06-15T06:23:26Z

Every evening is the same. I stand by my window, looking up at this big starry sky, thinking of you. Memories swirl through my mind, bits and pieces of things you said, stories you told. I imagine the look on your face after we kissed for the first time, the way you held me that final evening, when I still didn't know that in a short while my dreams would crumble to dust.

Every evening I re-live the past, and the night around me feels the same as it felt then, it even smells the same, and sometimes I wonder if time really stood still as it feels for me. I see the ghosts of us walking toward our bench hand in hand, and I wish for nothing more than your arms around me. I miss you too much for words.

Why did it have to end so abruptly, without a chance to say goodbye, without one final kiss? Why did you leave this unfinished?

Why can't I forget you and go on with my life?

A year has passed, but you're still with me, even though you're not.

~In His Arms~

2007-06-14T14:56:03Z

WHAT: ''Angel'' & ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

WHEN: undetermined

PAIRING: Angel/OC

RATING: PG-13

WORD COUNT: 141

DISCLAIMER: Characters are not mine, I'm just playing with them.

She noticed him across a room full of people, and every nerve in her body was screaming for him within seconds. She followed him outside and into a dark side alley, discarding the danger of doing so.

She was in love from the moment she saw his pale and beautiful face, and she wouldn't let go of him for the world.

She approached him gracefully, and he kissed her without saying a single word. She wrapped her long arms around him, and when his sharp teeth sunk in her smooth neck she finally understood: she was moon-walking through her life, lead only to him. She knew now that it was her destiny to die in the arms of an angel who loved her better than any of her lovers could, offering heaven she never dreamed of in change for her life.

~Let's Jive!~

2007-06-12T13:25:24Z

Jive genmix with 10 songs, hosted at sendspace.

I just love dancing the jive, and these are the songs I like dancing it to the most. Hope you enjoy!

1.      Great Balls of Fire - Jerry Lee Lewis

2.      Bloodshot Eyes - Pat Benatar

3.      Baby Likes to Rock It - The Tractors

4.      Letkiss – Darling

5.      Cry Just a Little Bit - Shakin' Stevens

6.      Suds in the Bucket - Sara Evans

7.      Rock Around the Clock - Buddy Holly

8.      Down in Mississippi (Up to No Good) – Sugarland

9.      Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go – Wham

10. Candyman - Christina Aguilera

Click on each title if you wanna download the songs.

Do comment if you're taking.

~Made in Heaven~

2007-06-11T07:35:26Z

Spuffy countrified fanmix with 15 songs, hosted at sendspace.

1. We've Got Tonight – Kenny Rogers & Sheena Easton

2. Misguided Angel – Cowboy Junkies

3. Learning To Fall – Martina McBride

4. Trying To Love You – Trisha Yearwood

5. You Stay With Me – Faith Hill

6. Burn – Jo Dee Messina

7. Please Remember Me – Tim McGraw

8. You'll Think of Me – Keith Urban

9. That Kind of Love – Alison Krauss

10. Die of a Broken Heart – Carolyn Dawn Johnson

11. Ten Thousand Angels – Mindy McCready

12. Memorized – Rebecca Lynn Howard

13. Don't – Shania Twain

14. Loving Arms – Dixie Chicks

15. Written in the Stars – Elton John & LeAnn Rimes

Click on each title if you wanna download the songs separately, or click HERE to download the zip file with all the songs.

~ runtime: 62 minutes

Do comment if you're taking.

~A Perfect Thing To Say~

2007-06-07T08:57:52Z

WHAT: ''Angel''

WHEN: ''A Hole In the World''

PAIRING: Fred/Wesley

RATING: PG-13

WORD COUNT: 118

DISCLAIMER: Characters are not mine, I'm just playing with them.

''I'm not scared'', Fred chanted silently, watching Wesley straight in the eyes, but hardly seeing him. She concentrated only on gathering strength for one final sentence before it's too late, before she'd have no power left to speak, no breath left to live. In those two seconds between her before-last and very last words she thought of many things she could tell him, like ''I would've loved you'', ''don't miss me too much'', ''remember me always'', or ''I'll wait for you''… Still, when she leaned back on his arm and spoke, what came out wasn't perfect as far as parting words went; it was just the only thing she couldn't avoid saying:

''Please, Wesley, why can't I stay?''

~Love Life~

2007-06-06T17:27:18Z

WHAT: ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer''

WHEN: ''Becoming Part II''

PAIRING: Spike/Dawn

RATING: PG-13

WORD COUNT: 129

DISCLAIMER: Characters are not mine, I'm just playing with them.

She still remembered the exact moment her love life started. She was sitting at the topmost stair, waiting for either her mother or Buffy to return home, never taking her eyes from the door. When it finally opened, she jumped up, a little startled, but made no further movement as both of them entered. They weren't alone.

''Come in, Spike'', her sister said, and Dawn was dazzled into oblivion, captured for eternity.

He noticed her immediately, his eyes locking onto hers for a brief but powerful moment, in which dozens of thoughts crowded her brain. Before she could compose herself again, they were all gone into the living room, but it was all it took for nearly twelve years old Dawn Summers to decide that boys weren't ''yuck'' anymore.

~Stolen~

2007-06-05T08:29:28Z

WHAT: ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer''

WHEN: sometime between ''Doublemeat Palace'' & ''Dead Things''

PAIRING: Spike/Buffy

RATING: PG-13

WORD COUNT: 281

DISCLAIMER: Characters are not mine, I'm just playing with them.

When Buffy climbed down the ladder to the lower level of Spike's crypt, the last thing she expected was to find him asleep. Pausing for a beat at the foot of his bed, she fought with herself. If she woke him up, she'd get what she came here for, but she never saw him this innocent-looking before, and it seamed horribly wrong to destroy it.

Reaching her decision, Buffy tiptoed around the bed and lay down next to him, very careful not to disturb him. Resting her head on her hand because he claimed the pillow, Buffy let her eyes wander over his body, caressing it without actually touching. His skin was glowing, smooth and unmoving like marble and all that Buffy was ached to touch him, ran her fingers over each perfectly outlined muscle of his torso and lose herself in him, forget about the world she belonged to. She knew that she shouldn't be doing this to herself, she should either leave or wake him up, but the truth was that she fell in love with this version of him, almost believing that she could love him. So she stayed, just one moment more that melted into dozens of others, every one slow and terribly beautiful like his eternal face.

Time passed and she could feel herself falling asleep, soothed by his steady unneeded breathing and his scent. That was when she forced herself to get up, pressing a gentle kiss upon his cheek before she turned and walked away, sparing him her harsh words and false hope just this once, but never regretting that one moment more, stolen and hidden forever in her soul like a sacred secret.

~Summer Tears~

2007-06-04T09:18:50Z

WHAT: ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer''

WHEN: the summer after Buffy died

PAIRING: Spike/Dawn

RATING: PG-13

WORD COUNT: 353

DISCLAIMER: Characters are not mine, I'm just playing with them.

Dawn was idly cycling up and down her street, trying to keep her mind off of the absence of her sister. She was well aware that Buffy was dead, but it was easier if she told herself that she was just somewhere other than here, instead of being forever gone.

When she turned the wheel toward the curb, her intention was to climb on, but she misjudged the angle and her bike wobbled beneath her. She gave a little yelp, and then her entire right side collided painfully with the hot asphalt, the skin on her knee, elbow and hip tearing. For a moment she just lay there, letting the pain subside a little, before she picked herself and the bike up. Slowly she limped back home, fighting off the urge to cry. She was already in her front yard, when the door to her house opened and revealed Spike standing there, his piercing blue eyes wide. ''Dawn'', he said, and that was it. She let the bike fall and crossed the remaining distance between them, tears running down her face in waterfalls.

''Spike'', she nearly choked on his name, collapsing in his sure, cold arms. He scooped her up and carried her to the living room, her head resting against his shoulder.

By the time he set her down on the couch, she was sobbing her heart out, not able to stop herself. It wasn't that it hurt that much, it was his perfect gentleness that set her off.

''What happened, princess?'', he asked, wiping off her tears with the back of his hand, sitting next to her.

''I was cycling… and… and the curb got in the way… and then I FELL'', she veiled, wrapping her long arms around his neck, hiding her face in his shoulder.

''I should clean you up, then'', he said, his lips moving against her neck, but she just kept holding on, and he understood. She needed this closeness, needed him to ran his hand up and down her back just like that, her slight wounds able to wait. She wasn't crying because of them anyway.

''Ease My Pain''

2007-05-29T12:29:34Z

WHAT: ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer''

WHEN: sometime between ''Older And Far Away'' and ''As You Were''

PAIRING: Spike/Buffy

RATING: PG-13

WORD COUNT: 518

DISCLAIMER: Characters are not mine, I'm just playing with them.

Buffy woke in the middle of the night, dull pain ripping through her stomach. She growled and rolled over, trying to find a more comfortable position, but it seamed that none really was.

Her monthlies usually weren't painful at all, but there were exceptions, and this was obviously one of those. She wished that it was already morning, because then she wouldn't have to try falling back asleep again.

It had to be hormones that made her get up from her bed and tiptoe toward the window, leaning out and whispering: ''Spike?''

She was fairly certain that he was somewhere in the dark surrounding her house, her Slayer senses tingling with the feel of him, but not just those. They had a thing, and she could deny what that thing was as long as she wanted, but it was still there. Just as he was, standing guard beneath her window.

''Slayer?'', he said uncertainly, stepping out from the shadows, his face paler than usual under the moonlight, and so very beautiful.

''Come on up'', she said, and could see that he was shocked with her request. She never let him in her room before, much less invite him there such casually like she did now, as if she was doing it every other night. ''My tummy hurts'', she added miserably by way of explaining, and it was enough to make him sacrifice his half-finished cigarette and disappear around the house to enter through the back door.

Buffy returned to her bed and under the covers just as Spike opened the door of her room and stepped inside. His duster was gone and he was barefoot, pausing for a beat, as if waiting for her approval. Buffy just shifted a little on the bed, laying on her side. She expected him to lay down facing her, but he had a much better plan. Walking around the bed he took off his ever-present T-shirt, leaving it on the chair rest before he settled down behind her, on top of the covers. His arm wrapped around her waist, his palm flat against her stomach. For the first time his hand appeared warm, the initial coolness of his skin hidden by the covers.

It appeared to be just the thing she needed, too, so she closed her eyes and concentrated on the feel of his body next to hers, grateful that he didn't break the comfortable silence.

This is good, she thought, a little scared with implications of it. Still, she couldn't deny that he was giving her exactly the thing she needed, without taking anything from her for himself.

As if reading her mind, Spike embraced her a wee bit tighter, but still almost impossibly gentle against her sore belly.

Peaceful minutes ticked by, and just like that her pain eased, turned distant, allowing her to fall back asleep. Before she was completely out, she became vaguely aware of his lips against her neck, moving as if he was whispering something under breath, but she was too tired to stay awake and ask him what were the words he was saying.

''Love Land''

2007-05-14T12:44:54Z

WHAT: ''Angel''

WHEN: sometime post ''Not Fade Away''

PAIRING: Spike/Buffy

RATING: PG-13

WORD COUNT: 1615

DISCLAIMER: Characters are not mine, I'm just playing with them.

''Where are we going?'', Buffy asked for the tenth time in just as much minutes, and Spike shot her a warning look before turning his eyes back on the road.

''I told you already: you'll see when we get there, so stop asking, or I'll turn this car around and drive back home.'' She loved it when he was like this, but she hated not to know where were they going.

Buffy pouted in her seat wondering was she even dressed appropriately. She was wearing jeans, red woolen sweater, and plain winter coat, so what if the place he was taking her to was fancy? Still, from looking at his clothes she was almost entirely sure that it wasn't, because he was wearing the stuff he always wore; black jeans and T-shirt, accompanied with his worn leather duster. She glanced out the window, watching the snow silently falling. They were currently living in London, and she couldn't get enough of perfect whiteness that covered everything here ever since Christmas. She tried to think of where could he take her that they'd never been before and failed again.

After another ten minutes Spike pulled to a stop in front of a large building without any signs that would tell Buffy what was inside, and she was about to ask him again, but then he placed a wrapped up box in her lap and her lips stretched into a smile.

''What's this?'', she asked, more excited than before.

''Your birthday present, love'', Spike answered, and Buffy tore at the paper.

''You already gave me a present'', she said before she opened the box. Her birthday party was held a week earlier with all her friends, and Spike's present was a beautiful bracelet she didn't took off ever since.

''That wasn't the real present'', he shrugged, and Buffy opened the box. Sitting in the pool of purple silk were the most beautiful ice-skates she ever saw. They were shiny white with a single delicate purple flower on each and matching laces. She was speechless but the teenager in her was jumping up and down, squealing much like Dawn still did sometimes.

''Thank you'', Buffy said, leaning toward him and kissing him passionately, kissing him like he just gave her the world, entangling her free hand in his hair, disturbing his slicked back curls slightly.

''This means you like it, pet?'', he asked with a chuckle and she laughed.

''I love it. So you're taking me skating tonight?'', she inquired, just to clarify what she already knew. The butterflies in her stomach went nuts just from the idea of skating, because it's been so long since she did last time. Ever since Angel, in some other lifetime.

Spike just exited the car and opened her door a second later, smiling one of those perfect little smiles she saw so rarely, but when she did, she couldn't help smiling back. Discarding the box Buffy took each of her skates in one hand and followed Spike into the building, barely sustaining from bouncing as she walked.

She was quite surprised when she found out that there were other people there, mostly young couples skating, with a DJ providing for the music. The selection was just what she liked, and everything Spike didn't, so she was stricken once again with the fact that he'd endure everything for her.

'''m just gonna go pay for us, pet'', he said, briefly kissing her, motioning toward the nearest bench. She sat down there, frowning slightly.

''Us?'', Buffy echoed, but he was already gone.

She quickly pulled off her boots and tucked them beneath the bench, before she pulled the skates on. Just as she started to tie the laces Spike came back, his duster gone somewhere, black skates discarded on the bench between them as he took him combat boots off. Buffy watched in utter amazement as he sat down and strapped his skates on, forgetting about hers entirely. He felt her stare and gazed up, smirking shamelessly.

''What, you thought I'd miss all the fun and let you skate alone?'', he asked, going back to his laces, and Buffy heard her voice in her head saying: ''Angel did.'' Spike's voice replayed instantly: ''Angel's bloody stupid.'' Still, she never expected from Spike, the Big Bad, even if he wasn't bad anymore, to go skating with her. He never stopped surprising her.

''Ready, then?'' He asked, and rolled his eyes when she glanced down at her still untied laces, collecting her feet in his lap and doing it for her. –like I'm six years old- She loved every second of it.

They walked awkwardly toward the entrance on the ice hand in hand, and Buffy felt happy, perfectly happy, happy like she hadn't felt ever since she got called to be a Slayer, almost 10 years ago. This was heaven, and they didn't even started skating yet.

''Let's go'', she murmured and they were finally moving gracefully, moving effortlessly through the air, dancing on a frozen mirror. After a few circles in perfect silence, Buffy looked up at Spike, asking him softly, sweetly: ''Is this a dream?''

''As far as I know, it's very real'', Spike said, his expression changing from amused to worried as Buffy's eyes started glistening with tears.

''I love you'', she told him, unable to take her eyes off of his face, his bluer than possible eyes and those lips that made her tremble inside everytime he'd kiss her.

''I love you'', he said sincerely, the way he always did, time and time again, even when she didn't believe him.

When she finally looked away from him, they were alone on the ice.

''Where'd all the people go?'', she asked, looking around and shaking her head as if she was trying to clear it. Maybe it was a dream.

''Closing time'', Spike explained, spinning her in a circle.

''I don't want to go yet'', she told him, her chin shaking slightly.

''Not for us, baby. We can stay as long as you want to.''

''Good'', Buffy said with a grin, breaking away from him and doing a lovely pirouette.

He caught up to her and his arms were around her in a matter of seconds, as he was spinning them both around for a few circles.

''So, where did William the Bloody learned to skate so well?'' Buffy asked, tilting her head a bit to look up at him.

He smiled enigmatically and turned her for yet another circle, before they glided together diagonally across the rink on the edges of their skates.

''Tell me!'' Buffy demanded, breaking away again and skating backward from him.

''Dru loved it'', he said, skating away from her too.

''Hey! Get back here you-'', she started to say, but then she saw that he was going for a jump, and quickly shut her mouth, forgetting about Drusilla. Her eyes widened as he spun in the air, one, two, three times, just to land perfectly, a few yards away from her. For a moment she forgot that he was a vampire, and that it was easy for him to do something like that, and she stared at him wide-eyed, opening and closing her mouth like a fish out of the water. It was a beautiful sight to see.

Spike just smiled and skated toward her, kissing her quickly before he scooped her up and turned around himself a few times. Buffy giggled and he set her down on top of his skates, skating lazily backwards, kissing her the way only he could. Her blood was boiling beneath the surface, her heart racing because this… it felt exactly like flying. Skating usually felt like gliding, elevated from the ground, but this was even better. It was something she wanted to do every day from now on, something she didn't wanna stop doing.

Their lips finally parted but he didn't stop skating, and her eyes fluttered open to meet his.

''You okay, pet?'' He asked silently, almost whispering.

''I'm perfect, and you're a God'', she said seriously, and then burst into laughter.

''Glad you finally admit it'', he said with a smirk and set her down on ice again, but didn't remove his arms from around her. Buffy wondered what was he up to now, and found out soon enough. They were moving across the ice in lightning speed, or, rather, vampire speed, and she wasn't the least bit afraid because his strong arms were holding her tight, keeping her safe.

She was almost sad when he stopped, gazing in her eyes and waiting for her approval of what he just did. Some other Buffy would yell at him for putting her in danger like this, she'd probably kick him viciously even if she knew perfectly well that he'd rather die again than see her hurt. Not this Buffy. This was a new, improved and loved version of Buffy, and this one was much closer to little skating Buffy he saw in pictures Dawn must've show him over the summer Buffy was gone.

New Buffy raised on tips of her skates and kissed him gently, her arms wrapping around his neck, her small frame pressing against him.

It was the best late-birthday present she ever got, and the night was far from over.

''Catch me if you can'', Buffy giggled, skating away as fast as she could, perfectly aware that he'll catch her soon. She wouldn't want it to be any other way.

When he did, she squeezed her hand in his and they danced the night away, for once leaving the world of humans and demons behind and just being Buffy and Spike, with a few little advantages.